Every morning, I pick out nice clothes to wear. I stand in front of the mirror, fixing my hair and make up, while slowly sipping on a half-liter mug of tea or coffee.
When did I become so shallow and vain?
Truth is, I’ve never cared about my appearance. I still don’t. I just have nothing to keep this fake well-being going on.
I’ve tried convincing others and myself that all is okay. It’s been going on for years. I knew that sooner or later, I’ll lose the ability to keep it up. It takes inhumane effort, not thinking negatively. The only way I can achieve that is through passing my time doing silly, vain things. Like my hair and make up. I’m acting in front of others. But more importantly, and embarrassingly, I’m faking it in front of my own self. It should eventually come to an end; everything will crumble. (Again…)
I love literature, art, science… But all I can now think of is dying my hair and doing my nails. I’ll enjoy being a pretty girl while I still can.
Sorry for the senseless post, I’m just having some awful premonitions. I’ve just turned 17, and cant believe it. I’m mentally stuck at 13, and I can’t believe just how disoriented I am.
I love these creatures more than anything else. Beautiful, sweet, and nice to just sit with and stare at doing nothing for hours. They take my mind off ugly things. @weheartit.com
But I actually found myself googling “I wish I had a curvy body”.
Because sometimes, I really do… But not for the body, I want the attitude and self-confidence that are “supposed” to come with it.