You can’t starve yourself indefinitely. Either you start to eat because your body and mind just can’t take it any more, someone else forces you to eat, or you die. It’s not a self-sustaining system.Carrie Arnold, ED Bites (via its—human—nature)
Yet the alternative somehow seems worse. As torturous as the eating disorder is, life somehow feels worse. Life is messy. And painful. The eating disorder, while painful in its own way, is neat. It has a type of “payoff.” Starving made me feel better. Life… didn’t. I was good at an eating disorder but I sucked at life. I couldn’t quite figure it out.